Hogan's Heroes

For the latest challenge, our combatants put their legendary marksmanship skills to the test. Since a duel of pistols at dawn was deemed to be "too early in the morning" and "too fatal," they were challenged to another classic contest of cannon: shooting a really terrible Hulk Hogan-branded energy drink with a .22 rifle from about 50 feet away. Whoever hits their can closest to Hogan's face wins.

The Contestants:

Joe and Ian

The Targets:

In a taste test after the contest, the Hogan energy drink was judged as tasting like "some sort of shitty candy" and "like extra-sweet Mountain Dew peed out by roided up bald man whose son paralyzed a guy."

The Competition:

Joe and Ian took turns firing from the porch.

Results:

Ian's shot missed Hogan's face by about half an inch. Joe's shot, however, missed by about six feet.

THE WINNER


IAN, who gets one point for winning the contest and another bonus point because he met Hulk Hogan in real life. According to Wikipedia, Ian is the only living person on earth who met someone and later shot a bullet through their image on a can of terrible energy drink to win a stage of a screwy internet competition.

If they had been shooting at Earl Scruggs' Foggy Mountain Energy Drink (slogan: "The Pick Me Up You Need To Pick All Night!"), Joe would have gotten the bonus.