What the world needs now is bad poems

Ok, first things first, this challenge is waaaaaay to creepy.  Second how strange that last poll was a tie.

Alright here are the poems.

First Ian's

Joe, your eyes are as blue as the skies

I want to eat you like big pizza pie

My loins are on fire

you make me perspire

I love you forever Joe, at your behest I shall be thou squire

When I look at you I melt like butter on flapjacks

I want you to clean my utensils as if you were Ajax

I'll love you forever I've never been more sure

In the language of love "je t'aime mon domestique partneur!"

Then Joe's

He laid my foundation wetly,

And it has hardened.  He keeps me,

as if a warden. His brew, bubbly

and warming, ferments by the toilet

And when he brews anew, he boils it.

If our country's new calamity engenders

concomitant bedlam,

as did its predecessor,

and spoiled paunch melts into

Fiercer hardness the world over,

And if the zombies come,

I'm not going fucking anywhere!

I'm sleeping under a blanket

Of industry and hair, I'm marching

To the call of Ian's Fearless stare,

And we will live, again

to see this place grow soft, ugly and fair 

So who wins?  Well,  I like both of them.  Ian's is a little more carnal, which is kinda surprising and disturbing.  But it also has French (or Freedom as I like to say).  Joe's is more sly, like something he wrote in high school and then slipped to Ian during study hall on Feb. 12th 1997.  Not saying he did that, just saying.   But under Ian is not where I would want to be for the Zombie wars.  

I guess I'll go about with Joe's.  Cause its paints Ian more as a manly hero which he clearly is. 

Now let us never speak of this again!